Home Beckons

Image by ptofnoretrn77

“Rats, I’ve really done it this time. Gary’s not going to believe this!” I started the long walk up the hill, imagining his reaction to my latest fiasco as I stared into the darkness ahead of me.

“You locked the key in the van when you stopped at the mailbox?” He asked. “Well, yeah, I must have bumped the lock with my knee. But, that’s not the only problem. The other key is in my pocket book, and that’s in the van. And there’s one more thing. The van’s still running and the headlights are on!” I smiled at him, he rolled his eyes, and we climbed into the truck to go back down the hill.

His eye roll said it all…just one more in a long line of rescue missions for Diane’s many locked-in keys or lost pocketbooks. Or, at least, it started as another typical rescue. Little did we know…

Under the truck’s lights, we circled the van trying to find a way to open the doors or the hood latch. Unfortunately, the locks on the doors weren’t reachable with a coat hanger like in the old days, and we didn’t even consider breaking a window or a latch on our two-day old Astro van. We decided to go back to the house and try to call someone from the Chevy dealer.

Climbing into the truck, Gary turned the key, but instead of the welcome sound of the engine starting, we heard, click, click, click, click, click, click – dead battery! So, leaving the truck to keep the van company, we walked the six-tenth of a mile back up the hill, still in pretty good humor considering the situation. We wondered how long the van would idle on three-quarters of a tank of gas!

We couldn’t reach anyone from the Chevy dealership, so Gary called a local locksmith, who kindly agreed to help us at that late hour. We drove down the hill to meet him in our 67 Corvette, again leaving the lights on, but this time also leaving the motor on to preserve the battery. First, the locksmith tried each of the 400 master keys on his giant ring, but with no luck. “If I can get a good look at cuts in the key, I might be able to make a key that will open the door,” the locksmith said as he shone his flashlight into the van at the key dangling down from the steering column. As he drove away to get his hand-held key cutter, we turned toward the Corvette, just in time to hear cough, cough, sputter, cough, sputter, sputter as the engine died – out of gas!

We stood looking from van to truck to car in stunned disbelief. I looked at Gary’s face in the glow of the van’s headlights, expecting him to explode in frustration, but instead, he just quietly said, “And all I wanted to do tonight was eat popcorn and watch Dallas!”

The next fifteen minutes passed in silence except for our footsteps and heavy breathing as we trudged up the hill again. An hour later, with no more wheels to choose from, Gary walked down the hill to meet the locksmith. He made several attempts at keys, but finally gave up and went home. Gary gave up too and made the final, long, lonely trek up the hill, leaving behind the idling van, the dead-battery truck, and the gas-hungry Corvette. “Is it still running? I asked as he slipped into bed. “Yup,” he said, “guess it gets pretty good gas mileage!”

The van ran all night, but by the time Gary walked down the hill in the morning, it was silent, turned off by the conscientious locksmith who returned at daylight to successfully defend his key-making reputation. By 8:00, the van, truck, and Corvette all sat safely at the house, ready for another adventure. Good car key habits – needed them then, still need them now! See Locking Keys in the Car.

Image by supergiball

As I sat on the picnic bench in front of the Sundae Time in Troy savoring the small waffle cone of raspberry swirl, another familiar smell caught my attention. I lifted my head and sucked in the aroma and for a moment felt the heart-tug of my childhood memories. Oh, the sweet smell of cows!

My husband and I spent the next ten minutes swapping “the best of” in farm smells. For those of you who grew up on a farm, this will be a walk down memory lane. For all others, you can wonder, is she really serious! Here are my Top 15 Favorite Farm Smells, not necessarily all good, but all distinctively memorable:

House smells

1. Homemade everything – homemade bread baking; hot, bubbling apple, cherry, blackberry, huckleberry pies made from fruit picked on the farm or on the local mountain; smell of the brine in the hand-cranked ice cream maker filled with milk straight from the cow; fried deer steak and pancakes topped with boiled brown-sugar syrup; the first-blast good smells when you open home-canned jars of home-grown peaches, beets, pears, tomatoes, apples, pickles, and cherries; baking powder biscuits straight from the oven, dripping with lots of butter and homemade wild strawberry jam. Oh, yeah…
2. Bacon, sausage, home fries, and eggs frying on the stove every morning for breakfast – a hearty fare for hard-working men going to the fields and to the barn; I still love that smell on the two or three times a year when we leave the cereal in the cupboard!
3. Porter’s Salve -a traveling salesman showed up on the farm every now and then peddling the green and white tins with salve claiming to benefit bruises, rough skin, insect bites, sunburn and local irritations; recommended for man or beast. Blindfold me and wave 100 concoctions under my nose, and I’ll pick the Porter’s salve out. The smell is that memorable!
4. The dank, wet, musty smell of most farmhouse cellars – no poured concrete or cinder blocks, just field stone walls and earth floors; perfect spot for storing canned goods and produce from the garden, but no place to linger.

Barn Smells

5. Corn silage – tightly packed into a silo, the chopped corn ferments to such perfection that my husband and I agree that this one tops the list for good farm smells. Oh, to take just one strong whiff up a silo again someday…
6. Cow feed with molasses – I doubt there’s a farm kid alive or dead who hasn’t taken a taste of this sweet-smelling mixture at least once!
7. Milk powder mixed with water for calves being weaned from their mothers – easy to smell as you bent close to the pail to get the calf to drink by sucking on your fingers.
8. Whitewash, a mixture of lime and chalk – sprayed on the walls, floor, and ceiling of the main barn floor to sanitize surfaces, drive out spiders, and brighten things up; the white wash momentarily masked all the other ordinary barn smells.
9. Fly spray – overpowering, eye-watering stench for a few minutes after spraying all the cows while in their stanchions in the barn.
10. Fresh cream collecting on top of the strainer over the milk can in the milk house.
11. The granary – sweet smell of oats, sometimes dusty, sometimes musty; as kids we played in the oat bins!

Outside Smells

12. New mown hay – this still takes my breath away when I drive through the country; roll your window down next time you pass a field and take it all in.
13. Singed chicken feathers – burning the fine feathers off after plucking the main ones. Yuck!
14. Creosote added to corn before planting to discourage birds, animals, and worms from eating the kernels.
15. Manure – no, you can’t ignore this basic olfactory delight of family farm life, and I openly proclaim to the world that horse and cow shit on a small farm smells good! Sorry, but no one on the farm called it manure!

Gone are all the dairy farms that lined the roads for miles on either side of my father’s land. Barns sit empty, many with caved-in roofs and missing boards. Former pastures grow wild again with weeds and brush, with no Holsteins, Jerseys or Guernseys to graze them tidy. My generation, the sons and daughters of farmers, found other ways to make a living, most not requiring the 24/7 commitment of the family farm.

The Troy Fair opens in July, with folks from the few remaining local farms gathering with their animals and produce to compete for prizes, bragging rights, and a week of camaraderie. I’ll spend a few moments walking through the cow barns, breathing in those smells that still possess the power to take me back home again. Oh, the sweet smells of childhood!

On a more serious note, today’s huge factory farms conjure up other adjectives – pungent, putrid, unbearable, foul, and appalling. I’m a meat-lover, and have no qualms about raising animals for consumption, but I admit to a wave of conscience about the conditions that factory-farm animals endure in order for me to enjoy my steak sandwich, lemon chicken, or sliced ham. Also in question is the right of these farms to impose their nauseating smells and real or potential water pollution on neighboring properties. Sounds like this topic may show up in a future post…

Image by Cayusa

My friend Scott only half jokingly insists that the best solution to the world’s problems is a monster asteroid, a single spectacularly fiery collision with earth to wipe out most of mankind. Bad-news headlines from around the world remind us every day that peace on earth remains a distant hope. Unfortunately, much of mankind thrives on the misery rained down on others who are poorer, weaker, or less informed. Even many otherwise kind-hearted souls unknowingly or uncaringly contribute every day to the ongoing destruction of all things natural that this earth offers us: its trees, land, waterways, air, and all living creatures.

On the other hand, being a bit more of an optimist than my friend, I believe that each of us can positively impact the world. The question is, how? Quite often the biggest hurtle to overcome in beginning your own small crusade for the world is deciding what to do. I found Michael Norton’s book “365 Ways to Change the World” to be an excellent source of ideas and action plans. For each day of the year, he suggests ways to take positive actions for influencing change. Don’t feel overwhelmed by so many ideas; you can skim straight through the book, marking issues of interest or concern, returning later to narrow down your list. Or, search for your personal passion in twelve topic areas: community and neighborhood, culture and creativity, democracy and human rights, discrimination, employment and enterprise, environment, globalization and consumerism, health, international development, peace, volunteering and citizenship, or young people.

Mr. Norton’s book offers multiple possibilities for action, no matter which causes are closest to your heart. I’m starting with his entry for January 7, “Visit the HUNGER SITE.” Every time you visit the Hunger Site and click on the “Click Here to Give” button, a cup of food is donated to a hungry person somewhere in the world. Consider this statistic: every day 24,000 people die from hunger and three-quarters are children under the age of five. Clicking on the Hunger Site won’t solve the multiple causes of world hunger, but it’s one easy daily action that will positively impact a real person. Please join me in taking this one small step, one day at a time to change the world, to save the world.

Image by biddit

“He just shot out of the back seat before we could catch him.” My mother-in-law apologized over and over again, as I fought back a wave of panic. “Why in the world didn’t they put him in the cat carrier,” I thought. Biting my tongue, I quickly told her not to worry. My in-laws are wonderful, kind, and caring people and also animal lovers, so I knew how terribly they must have felt as Mutton raced up the driveway and disappeared into the woods behind the vet’s office.

I first met the escapee cat at a Little League baseball game. Another parent brought tiny kittens to the game hoping to find homes for them. One little gray ball of fluff, whose face reminded me of a gorilla baby, looked at me and we bonded instantly. I took him home hoping that my husband would also find him irresistible. He did, so we christened our new family member Mutton. Now, nine years later, we mourned his disappearance into the wilds six miles from home.

We searched the woods for a couple of days, put flyers in peoples’ mailboxes, and advertised in the local paper, but Mutton was gone. As the days turned into weeks, fond stories of Mutton surfaced at family gatherings as we remembered his gorilla-like face, his raccoon-shaped body, and his calm, trusting personality. Well-loved and hard-missed, Mutton remained alive in my thoughts as the months passed.

Then, one day six months after the disappearance, I was ironing in the basement and saw something move across the small window at the top of the wall. Curious, I went upstairs and out onto the porch. You guessed it! As I walked toward the far door, I saw Mutton coming up the steps onto the porch. He seemed a bit confused about whether he was really at the end of his six month, six-mile odyssey, but I called his name, and he came to me. You can imagine my excitement! I picked him up, calling to my husband, and we fussed over our thinner, but healthy-looking miracle cat.

This story so far isn’t too unusual. I’ve read other tales of pets returning home from even longer distances and in shorter timeframes. What’s the crazy twist to this story? A couple of days before Mutton returned, I dreamt that he came home. That might not seem too unusual either, since I still missed him and thought of him often. Here’s the kicker: in my dream, I walked across the porch toward the far door as Mutton came up the steps, exactly like it happened just two days later!

Did I see the future? Can our minds travel across time barriers? Did Mutton send me a message? Did I send a message to Mutton? Can we communicate with animals or with each other directly with our minds? Or, was it just a strange coincidence?

We recently traveled to Florida, taking Mutton with us and worrying all the way about losing him again. Fortunately, he settled comfortably into his new temporary home. Good thing. At his walking rate of one mile per month, it would take him one hundred years to find his way back to Pennsylvania!

Image by Hyougushi

As business development manager for a large corporation, I have traveled multiple times from the U.S. to Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Belgium, The Netherlands, Portugal, Finland, Japan, Korea, and Taiwan. Each trip offered its own unique challenges, some of them magnified by my status as a woman traveling alone. Learn from my mistakes and enjoy your international travel, for business and pleasure!

To Do Before You Go

1. Allow time in your schedule for missed flights, traffic jams, breakdowns, mix-ups – they will probably happen, so if you have seriously important meetings, build extra time, even extra days into your schedule.

2. Check out the weather for your destinations so that you can minimize the amount of clothes that you pack.

3. Read newspapers on the internet for a week or two to get a feel for what the major news stories are in the countries you’re visiting. Knowing something about your destinations will make conversations with the locals more interesting, and they will appreciate your efforts.

4. Read a bit about the history and culture of each destination. Find out what is culturally acceptable and unacceptable. I recommend a series of books, by country, titled “Culture Shock!”, published by Graphic Arts Center Publishing Company.

5. Make sure that your cell phone will work wherever you’re going. If not, research on the internet the codes and process for calling home from each destination. This may sound trivial, but foreign telephones can be difficult if you don’t know the systems, and depending on language barriers, you may be on your own to figure them out.

Luggage – Choose Wisely

6. Rolling bags are obvious for checked bags, but also an absolute essential for your carry-on. Forget the designer bag unless it hooks onto your rolling bag. You’ll be thankful at the airport when the airplane’s late or when you’re rushing to catch a train, or walking miles on pavement from bus to train to plane to meeting.

7. Less is best. One checked bag is better than two; two better than three; three better than… You get the picture! Remember, unless you have arrangements for someone to act as your personal porter everywhere you go, you’ll be hauling your bags through airports, on buses, in taxis, on trains, and down those long, endless sidewalks.

Clothes – Important Decisions

8. Pick one color for clothing to minimize how much you need to take. I always wear black – suits, pants, skirts, sweaters, coat, shoes. Don’t worry that your traveling companions will think you’re wearing the same thing everyday. If you’re traveling with men, they probably are! If you need some color, spice it up a bit with your tops and accessories.

9. Wear shoes that make you smile! This may seem obvious, but always choose comfort over high fashion. Most of us can’t walk fast for miles, on pavement, day after day in spike heels. Everyone’s feet are different, but I must put in a plug for Franco Sarto Bocca loafers. With their classic style and comfort, I once took a brand-new pair to Japan and smiled for ten days straight!

What Else to Pack

10. Pack your carry-on very thoughtfully, as though you won’t ever see your checked bag again, because you might not, or it may takes several days for it to catch up to you! Things to consider: computer and cords, business books and work papers, camera, chargers, electrical adaptor, basic cosmetics and toiletries, one change of underwear and clean shirt, snacks. If you have a business meeting the first day after you arrive, wear a basic, universal suit jacket as your coat on the plane just in case the checked baggage doesn’t arrive.

11. Pack small, pack lightweight. Forget the raincoat unless it’s your main coat, but do pack a very small, light umbrella. Forget the sneakers unless you’re sure you will really use them. Take the smallest sized toiletries and first aid items you can find, but do take them. In many countries, convenience stores are few and far between, plus your schedule may not allow you time to shop.

12. Take two sets of all important papers with you, separated, of course, but not in your checked bags: passport and other ID, computer files on a stick, important business papers, itinerary with contact info. Keep your passport in your bra. Only kidding, but do keep it close to you at all times!

13. Pack a lightweight, soft bag into your checked luggage for souvenir purchases or to allow for returning with more business items than you took.

Safety – Don’t Leave It Up to Chance

14. Get local cash at the airport upon arrival, including change, no matter what the exchange rate. Check out my earlier post, “Japan and Korea on $8 a day” for my true-life horror story of ending up abroad without cash!

15. Get business cards from your hotels and your business contacts. Show the cards to taxi drivers; many drivers only speak their native language. If you are walking and get confused about your location, ask for directions immediately, quietly, and in a crowd by using the cards as reference.

16. Leave copies of your itinerary, including telephone numbers for hotels and customers with your family and colleagues. If you are traveling by yourself and have no in-country contacts who are expecting to see you each day, check in with your family or colleagues at least once daily by email or phone. If this isn’t possible due to the country you are in or due to your schedule, don’t tell them that you will do so.

17. Keep the contact information of native business people (customers, suppliers, colleagues) with you at all times, even if you don’t know them well. Their business connection with you, no matter how slim may offer your best chance for advice and help in case of an emergency.

18. Dress conservatively for business and during your free time. Minimize the amount of jewelry you take and leave your expensive stuff home. Blend in with the natives, if possible. It’s not only safer, but you’ll also get a more natural and relaxed response from those around you.

19. Know where you are and where you are going. Study your maps before you go out. Map out routes from the airport to your hotel, from your hotel to your meeting places, etc. Scope out the major tourist attractions, cathedrals, museums, government buildings, major street names, and any other landmarks that will help orient yourself to your surroundings. Again, you’ll be safer, but at the same time, you’ll be rewarded by your efforts as you begin to feel at home in a strange place!

For Travel, For Life

20. Relax, experience, and enjoy. As stressful and physically taxing as travel almost always is, try to keep your sense of adventure alive on every trip. Even after the initial thrill fades with return trips to the same location, keep your eyes and mind open to learning new words, trying new foods, seeing new sights. Attitude influencing experience – choose to be positive and you will be rewarded.

Hopefully, these tips will help to free your mind and body to appreciate each and every day of your journey until the time arrives when home beckons. Do you have other tips that you’ve found helpful in your business travels? If so, please pass them along in the comments section!

Image by tamaki

“Here, take this. I won’t need it when I get to Japan,” I said to my husband right before going through security at the airport. I handed him $300 in cash and my personal credit card, gave him a kiss and hug, and thus began my seventh business trip to Asia. International travel can be challenging, but I felt confident and calm as I climbed the airplane steps for the long journey from small-town Towanda to big-city Tokyo.

Nineteen hours later, I shuffled slowly along with the other weary passengers heading for customs at Narita Airport. “Ten days; this is the longest business trip I’ve ever taken,” I thought as I passed by the foreign currency counter, knowing that I could get yen at the hotel using my credit card. I headed straight for the bus counter to buy a ticket for the Keio Plaza Hotel – 1200 yen or about $12, cash only. Safely on the bus, I dozed during the ninety-minute ride.

“I am sorry, but we cannot do currency exchange with a credit card,” the young women at the hotel counter said early the next morning. “Rats,” I thought, “The other hotel I’ve stayed at in Tokyo would do it.” I quickly counted the cash in my wallet, finding that after paying for the bus ticket, I now had $68 left, enough for about 6800 yen. “OK”, I thought, “This won’t be a big problem; I’ll just find an ATM machine sometime today.” Looking up, I spotted Mr. Ando, our business representative in Japan and our busy day began.

On our way to the train station, we detoured into the bus terminal to find an ATM that would accept U.S. cards, but my pin number didn’t register. I called my husband and a co-worker in hopes of verifying the number, but neither could find my paper with the number. Frustrated, but only slightly concerned, we spent the day between meetings in taxis and trains, with no time to stop at a bank. Fares for the day amounted to 2800 yen, which took my cash down to a measly 4000 yen. Maybe tomorrow……

The next day, I called the bank that issued my credit card, but they couldn’t verify my pin. They offered to send me a new pin in seven to ten days. Scratch that idea! Without revealing the full seriousness of my situation, I told Mr. Ando that I wanted to stop at a bank. We found a few minutes to do so, but the bank wouldn’t issue money to me without the pin number! After shucking out more coins for train fares that day, my funds were down to 1400 yen, with six more days looming ahead before returning to the land of easy cash. “Tomorrow, I’m on my own in Tokyo with almost no money, among 12 million strangers,” I thought. “Oh well,” as I turned out the light to sleep. “I’ll worry about that tomorrow.”

Up early the next morning, I decided to take a taxi to my customer’s office so that I could charge the fare rather than pay cash on the train. I carefully chose a taxi with credit card symbols on the window. When we arrived, I handed my card to the driver, but he shook his head and pointed at his card reader. It took me a moment to realize that it was broken. He needed cash! I sheepishly told my customer of my dilemma, and he graciously paid the fare.

After the meeting, I walked up the street to the Royal Park Hotel where I’d stayed during previous visits, convinced that my money problems were over. “We are very sorry, but we cannot issue funds on credit cards unless you are a guest,” the lady at the counter told me apologetically. For the first time, I felt a slight wave of panic, and with a heavy heart, I parted with the rest of my yen for the train trip back to the Keio Plaza.

After a good night’s rest, I awoke feeling quite optimistic, knowing that I would be able to get currency after my flight to Korea, either at the airport or at the hotel. On board the flight to Seoul, I talked with a gentleman from Indiana who was also traveling on business. We swapped stories of our work and families, plus I told him the sad tale of my cash troubles. When we left the plane, he handed me a 50-dollar bill and his business card. I didn’t argue too much with him, since it was a bit unsettling to land in Korea with only $2.40 in change in my pockets!

My optimism faded at the foreign currency counter at the Incheon Airport. They required cash to make an exchange, so I could only get $50 worth of Korean won. The hotel exchange desk proved to be a bust too, requiring cash to do an exchange. Somewhat discouraged by the latest failed attempts to get cash, I nevertheless relaxed in Seoul the next day. I shopped the afternoon away in Itaewon, paying for new luggage and an antique wooden jewelry box with my company card – not per company policy, but this trip was an exception! (Yes, I did pay for these myself once I got home!).

Customer visits on day eight went well, without any need for cash, so I began to think that the 50000 won in my pocket might be just enough to get home without the need to panhandle. It helped my attitude that 50000 won sounded like a heck of a lot more money than $50! Despite my positive thoughts, I decided that I’d try one more time to secure additional funds. I stopped at a bank that was very willing to issue won on my credit car without a pin, but I left empty-handed. Why? I had violated one of the top 10 travel rules – keep your passport with you at all times! I had left it in the car and there was no time to retrieve it and return to the bank. Foiled again, but only two more days to go…

My last business day took me from Seoul on the train south to Daegu. I traveled with a business agent who spoke limited English. Since we couldn’t chitchat, I didn’t tell him about my money woes, which created new suspense. At the train station, while I was trying to decipher the credit-card-accepting ticket machine, our agent was buying my ticket with cash. He expected me to pay him back with cash. So, I gave him cash – all my cash! As we rolled on down the line, I reasoned that meals could go on my credit card and the bus to the airport in the morning was free. With that settled, I relaxed and watched the beautiful Korean countryside pass by.

As we left our last customer’s office, I felt light-hearted, already anticipating the end of this 10-day adventure. Considering the events leading up to this moment, what happened next shouldn’t have surprised me. It did. When we reached the train station, our agent asked for my money for the return trip to Seoul! “You’ve got to be kidding me!” I thought. “The money that I gave you this morning was only for a one-way ticket?” I asked, my stomach starting to churn a bit. Sure enough, it was the end of the line and there was nothing left to do but beg. I threw myself at his mercy and after much hand-signaling and mis-communication, he finally realized that I was penniless. He would have to trust me to repay him or leave me stranded in Daegu. Fortunately, he paid, and I hopped on the train back to Seoul.

Day ten of this adventure meant backtracking my way home; Seoul to Tokyo to Detroit to Elmira to Towanda. In Detroit during a layover, I stood in line waiting for a bagel and rummaged for the U.S. coins on the bottom of my pocketbook. Problem? The bagel cost $2.45, and the change totaled just two-forty. I turned to the man behind me in line and asked, “Do you have a nickel?” That’s Japan and Korea on $8 a day plus five cents!

When I told this story to my family, they assumed that I was terribly stressed during this trip. Surprisingly though, except for a few moments of distress, I always felt that things would work out OK. And they did. Was this just due to dumb luck? I don’t think so. I believe that most people are basically kind-hearted and willing to help someone in need. Yes, I mailed money back to each of these kind souls, but I know that each helped me without total assurance of that. Trusting in the goodness of others can help us through troubled times. Now, if I only knew who that man in Detroit was so that I could return his nickel!

Image by Geek2Nurse

My brother died young. He struggled with schizophrenia, and after years of legal drugs, chain-smoking, and lack of exercise, his heart protested and he was gone at forty-six. Suddenly, I became an only child and the empty space around me felt overwhelming. Filling that space took a long time, but the journey began with my quest to understand the mental illness that claimed so many years of his life. I immersed myself in books, articles, and discussions about all mental illnesses (great source is NAMI), and with this knowledge came resolution of my conflicted emotions about his life.

Future posts will explore these emotions, which I think are quite common for family members and friends of people with mental illness. For now, I’d like to share this tribute to my brother that I wrote during my quest for answers.

It has been almost a year and a half now since Lanny died, but in many ways he actually left us back in the early 70s. For those of you who tend to remember Lanny with his illness and for those of you who didn’t know him in his early years, let’s go back in time for a little bit.

The brother I remember growing up with knew every symphony that Mozart wrote, but struggled with algebra. He could recall all of the significant historical events of Medieval Europe, but had no interest in how an internal combustion engine works. He had a great sense of humor, and had many good friends in high school, despite the fact that he had no abilities for, nor interest in sports.

Lanny loved cherry pie, played the cello, liked to play king on the mountain, but only played baseball because the rest of us kids did. He disliked hunting, had a crush on Claire Ann at least for a little while, and liked to stay up and watch midnight mass on Christmas Eve.

Lanny loved Donald Duck, sunburned easily, had beautiful handwriting, and saved me from drowning in the Camptown creek one hot summer day when he could still laugh easily. He liked to ride down hill on sleds, ate his Easter candy much too slowly, sang in Allegheny College’s choir, and spent much of his life dreaming of far off places.

Lanny also retained a phenomenal memory of important family dates and events. I’m sorry now that I didn’t sit down with him and map out a family history, since he could remember the year (and usually the day) of events, like the time that Uncle Ern and Aunt Claire’s barn burned, or when Aunt Marie tangled with the bull.

What we should remember about Lanny is that he began his life just like you and me, with likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, hopes and dreams. He didn’t choose to be ill, and suffered not only from the depths of the illness, but surely even more during the short, intermittent times of relative wellness, when he saw clearly that his life was not as it should be.

It’s easy now to look back and wonder what else we might have done for Lanny. I’m comforted somewhat by the fact that back when he was diagnosed, there was little known about mental illness, nor about how to treat it, so there was probably not much more that could have been done for him on a large scale.

However, what we might have done a little differently was to overcome our own sense of uneasiness, to ignore our own sense of discomfort, and to have taken time from our busy lives to reach out to Lanny with more calls, letters, and conversations. Very often, the little things that we do for others, out of love and compassion, not duty, are the very things that lighten our own spirits and refocus our lives.

So, let’s celebrate Lanny’s life and keep him in our hearts as a reminder to reach out to those who are struggling on this earth.

I’d like to quote from a short poem by an unknown author:
Through this toilsome world, alas!
Once and only once I pass;
If a kindness I may show,
If a good deed I might do
To a suffering fellow man,
Let me do it while I can.
No delay, for it is plain
I shall not pass this way again.

Rest in peace, Lanny. We always loved you; we just didn’t always know how to show it.

Lanny Joseph Potter   4/26/50 – 1/14/97

Image by ickypoo

Last night, I laughed out loud at myself. The lady going by me in the aisle of the drug store smiled as she passed by. Just moments before, a man had hurried by as I tried on sunglasses at the end of Aisle 5. Almost immediately, he walked by me again going the other way, and before I could take off the brown-tinted, movie-star Foster Grants, he appeared again at my left at the same sunglass display. After picking just one pair up and looking at them, he quickly disappeared again.

Here’s where my imagination collided with my vanity.“Wow, that’s nice”, I thought, “he’s checking me out!” In our small town, single men and women are scarce, so it seemed logical that he purposely moved to my left to see if I was wearing a wedding band, and when he saw it, quickly moved on to find whatever first brought him into the store. While I’m happily married to a man who still thinks (or at least tells me) that I look good even on a bad-hair day, occasionally it’s fun to believe that I’m winning the weight and age battle in other peoples’ eyes.

My moment of vanity vanished in the next moment, when I heard the man ask the clerk, “Do you have any kids’ sunglasses?” So much for his interest in me. That’s when I laughed out loud!

I laughed again, this time quietly, remembering a similar situation from a few years earlier. On a warm, sunny day, I walked out of the local hospital into the parking lot and noticed three young men standing near my car. They were talking, smiling, and looking my way as I walked toward them. You know how some days you feel like you’ve got it together? The hair, the clothes, the attitude…. Well, I had the attitude that day, and those young guys just added to my sense that middle-age wasn’t so bad after all. But, in a split second, my vanity took a nosedive. As I got closer to my car, I could see that those adoring young guys weren’t looking at me; they were admiring an old, beat-up Chevy pick-up truck parked between them and me!

Being able to laugh at myself helps keep me grounded as to what’s really important as a person. My wrinkles will deepen, my hair will continue to gray, and bikini-body days are only memories, but these changes seem unimportant, as I look forward to each new day. Change what you can, accept what you can’t, and laugh often.

Image by HYG_a2c

“It must be nice traveling to Europe for work,” is a typical comment from some of my office-bound colleagues, spoken with just a hint of sarcasm. They probably imagine that a typical business trip involves boat rides down the Danube or candle-lit dinners in Paris. In reality, business travel offers mixed blessings; opportunities to experience new worlds, but often with little time to spend more than fleeting moments outside dark, smoke-filled meeting rooms. Traveling alone brings its own unique challenges as I found during one of my first business trips to Germany.

An early warning bell that the trip might go poorly sounded on my way to the airport. I discovered my husband’s cell phone charger in my bag, and I couldn’t find a phone cable for my computer. Undaunted, I bought a new charger and a phone cable, both at top dollar in the Tampa airport. I needed to work on my presentation before my second meeting in Germany, so I tried signing on, but the cable was not the correct one. Unfortunately, there wasn’t time to return the cable, so I borrowed another cable from a stranger. I still couldn’t sign into my company’s secure site! Oh well, I figured that I’d be able to connect at the Philadelphia airport. No luck there either. Plus, I had extra time to worry about whether I’d have time to tweak my presentation, since the plane left Philly two hours late…as usual. Are planes ever on time in Philly?

The flight to Munich passed quickly, but once on the ground, things deteriorated quickly. I immediately discovered that my cell phone wouldn’t work in Germany (no need for the high-dollar charger after all). Then, my initial relief about finding the right train vanished as I bypassed my stop, not once, but twice because I couldn’t figure out how to open the train door! Don’t they always open automatically? Embarrassed and frustrated, I hauled my three suitcases across the tracks and backtracked the two stops, where I found a pay phone to call my customer. It wouldn’t take my credit card, and I didn’t have the right coins. A stranger helped, but by the time I met my customer, I had been up for twenty-seven hours and looked and felt well-worn. By the time I reached my hotel, it was thirty-one hours. I reminded myself to tell my colleagues that there was no time for a raft trip down the River Isar!

At the hotel, the voltage converter that I brought wouldn’t work, so I trudged back down to the front desk to borrow one. Back in my room, I tried to call home, but the phone system wouldn’t allow use of international company phone numbers – I’d have to pay top-dollar for phone calls. The computer cable didn’t work, so I had to get dressed again and go to the front desk to sign up for wireless. I finally got through on the phone to my company IT group to ask for help signing into our system, but they couldn’t help immediately. So, bleary-eyed and fuzzy-brained, I stayed up for three more hours to redo the presentation in case the original one didn’t come through. Exhausted, I fell into bed thirty-six hours after waking up in the U.S.

Up just four short hours later, I washed my hair, but guess what? The hotel hair dryer didn’t work! Then, too late, I remembered that most European hotels don’t provide irons, so I used the wet-washcloth, wrinkle-removal method on my suit. Other than my slightly soggy appearance, my presentation went well except for blowing out a lamp because of the voltage difference. After the long, tiring day of meetings, dinner meant more serious business discussions, no candlelight or caviar. I finally dragged myself back to the hotel by train, arriving at 10:00 at night at the closest stop to my hotel, which was four blocks away. As I stepped off the platform, rain welcomed me onto the sidewalk. I walked the four long blocks in the rain with no umbrella, of course, an end to two typical days of business travel. As my colleagues say, it must be nice!

I’ll follow up in another post with some tips for international travel, some of them specifically for women, traveling alone. With better preparation, you can minimize your travel challenges and even find ways to have fun, but don’t tell your colleagues!

My son recently wrote an article suggesting ways to develop the good habit of never locking your keys in the car. If you follow his advice, you’re sure to avoid the stress and embarrassment that I’ve suffered several times in my lifetime. Tyler’s focus on car keys may be a direct reaction to growing up with me!

Locking keys in cars wasn’t such a big deal years ago when inside locks were two-inch stems on the top of door panels; push down to lock, pull up to unlock. With a little practice, anyone could unlock a door from the outside with a wire coat hanger. Slide the bent end through the gap behind the window, fish it toward the lock stem, hook on, pull up and within ten minutes, you’re on your way again. Despite multiple opportunities to practice this art due to my repetitive bad habit of locking keys in cars, the day at the dry cleaners even challenged me.

Outside the cleaners, I slammed the door on the Chevette, and immediately felt the rush of adrenaline hit me – the keys were still in the car, along with two-year-old Tyler. “How could you do such a stupid thing?” ran through my head as I quickly moved around the car to assess the situation. For a few fleeting moments, I thought that Tyler could open the lock, but each time I pointed and told him pull, he just smiled. His interest in me soon switched to the bag of Oreo cookies sitting next to him on the car seat. He turned back to me with another really big smile and a cookie in each hand! No help from him, so……….

I stepped back into the dry cleaners to get a coat hanger, thinking how fortunate that this happened right in front of a business with an abundance of the right tools! The wire job proved more difficult than usual. I fished and hooked and pulled to no avail. Meanwhile, my son watched me happily as he stuffed cookie after cookie into his mouth. Finally, after redesigning my wire hook, I managed to unlock the door. With a big sigh of relief, I flung the door open, hugged my son, threw the hanger on the floor, and slammed the door. Oh wait…I missed a step. I flung open the door, hugged my son, threw the hanger on the floor, pushed the lock down, and slammed the door. Yes, can you believe it? I actually locked the door again without getting the keys!

The dry cleaning lady grudgingly gave me another coat hanger, wondering what I could possibly be doing with a second one. While I worked on the lock again, muttering to myself the whole time, my son finished the bag of cookies, never losing that cookie-covered smile. Convinced that there must be something seriously wrong with me, I swore never to tell this story to anyone! Of course, I did tell the story, and it came to be known in our family as The Car Key Legend. If only someone had written good key habit tips a few years earlier………..