Home Beckons

Image by Don Fulano

Tina Turner probably doesn’t need another back-up dancer anyway. Not that I had a real shot at it, since I never took dance lessons, and standing tall, I max out at five foot one inch and just a little bit more. “Man, I’d still love to dress my sturdy thighs in fishnet stockings and dance to “Private Dancer” behind Tina,” I thought when I read through the old list. Have you seen Tina sing and dance her way through that song in her video “One Last Time in Concert?” The super-slim back-up dancer, in the red dress slit way up the side, brings her long, lean leg straight up in front of her face. Well, I can’t get my face that close to my leg while sitting down and bending over, so that to-do will have to come off the list.

I found my things-to-do-before-I-die list stuck to the back of a catch-all drawer and hidden by receipts, buttons, paper clips, matches, rubber bands, pot holders, batteries, pens, markers, locks, candles, cards, incense sticks, keys, bubbles, rolls of tape, scissors, flea collars, flashlights, and stale gum. “GTE SYL” in blue lettering caught my eye on the top fold of the paper, opening out to “GTE SYLVANIA, Quality Through People and Technology” when unfolded to full page. Written in 1992 just before GTE pulled out of Towanda, my list lay hidden for sixteen years.

So, how’d I do? Cross-country ski? Yup. After the first grueling outing, my arms ached so much from uphill poling that for three days it hurt to push down the water fountain button. Buy a 65 Mustang? Check. Great time cruising – abruptly interrupted by brakes gone bad at the top of a hill. Win a tennis tournament? Yes. Small-town, small-time tournament, but hey, the first-place trophy sits on my bookcase!

I checked off three of the ten to-dos, but what about the rest? Backpack on horseback in the mountains? Never. Take a cruise? Nope. Shoot at the national field archery tournament? Never going to happen. Learn to read German? Nein. Go to Scotland? Not yet. Write a book? Not even one page. “Wow!” I thought. “What have I been doing all these years? The Tina gig was always a long shot, but all these other to-dos were reasonable. So, what went wrong?”

Maybe nothing went wrong… My cruise ship may still be dry-docked and bagpipes wail too far off in the highlands, but I’ve roamed the streets of Berlin, Taipei, Saltzburg, Kyoto, Daegu, Helsinki, and Lisbon. My German is still limited to ordering spaetzle or spargel, but in the meantime, I’ve tackled sign language and brushed up on Spanish. A tennis racquet now feels just as much at home in my hand as a compound bow did years ago, and a recent hour-long horseback ride reminded me that I’d rather watch, smell, and clean-up after horses than ride them! Fortunately, life quite often offers excellent unplanned adventures equally satisfying as those once imagined and anticipated.

“OK,” I thought, pulling out a clean piece of paper. “I’ll make out a new list just for the fun of it. “Write a book” goes back on the list, and I’ll add my grand schemes to save the world.” A few minutes later, nine to-dos looked back at me. “These are great, but what truly serious challenge can take the place of Tina?” I wondered. Just then, as if on cue, “Whiskey River” started playing on the radio. “Yeah, that’s a definite! ” I thought excitedly as I completed the list…

#10 BACK-UP SINGER FOR WILLIE NELSON (long legs not required)